“This is Us” Stories: Amanda Holder

We are celebrating The Well’s 15th birthday by inviting people to share stories of how they have been shaped by their time with our community. Next up is Amanda Holder. She and her family have been participating in The Well for the last several years. This is how Amanda describes her journey:

The Well has been an answer to a silent prayer found deep within my soul that only found its voice a few years ago. The wonderful community has held me warmly as I have leaned into loving more boldly and it has been a place for me to fall when depression or anxiety tries to find its foothold in my mind again.

Faith has always been something to which I have deeply connected. From as early as I can remember, church was a place of refuge for me, a place where I felt loved by an extended community of people. I learned to love people like Jesus in many circumstances through those who made up our small congregation. I can clearly see how the church and the incredible story of Jesus shaped me and offered healing to some of my deepest hurts.

But, things began to unravel when I realized one of my dearest friends and most respected leaders in the military was not offered that same sense of belonging in my church congregation. He bravely came out to our military unit as transgender, where he was met with respect, inclusion and love. I quickly discovered much of what I had been taught in society, the home, or church regarding the LGBTQ+ community was not accurate, nor was it loving. I began to understand what I learned in church was deeply painful to him, but I still had the ability to be like Christ – rather than like those who yelled “crucify him.” My friend had been rejected by the church and much of his family, yet still trusted fully in our God. He knew deeper in his soul that God loved him as he was than I ever knew God could love me.

I was clinging to every word of the Bible during this time – begging God to help me to see things as He would, not as any human would have it. Somehow, the words on those pages wooed me out of depression. They also revealed inconsistencies, instilled so much doubt and yet, they still introduced me to a love bigger than anyone could have ever described. I learned how to listen to the still small voice that lives inside me, and inside each of us. It’s the one that says, “hug her,” “say sorry,” “forgive,” or “you are loved, as you are.”

I did my best to reconcile this expansive, truly unconditional God with the messages I was being fed while still a member of my former church. I heard painful rhetoric from the pulpit and was met with anger and dismissal by my pastor in private. It became evident there was no room for the message of love and inclusion that God was so graciously placing on my heart. So, I began to seek out other communities of believers - ones who were not afraid to say they loved my friend exactly as he is.

When I stumbled upon The Well two years ago – it felt too good to be true. I met our wonderful pastor, Susan, for coffee and immediately felt connected. She shared a little about the group of people who gathered which call themselves “The Wellians.” She offered up that they are a group of equals filled with those of all sorts of religious beliefs, including some non-belief as well as beautifully queer and trans folk. She described their hope to co-create an urban farm where the church and “Nathan – the Man in Overalls” would help make fresh food available and foster community among neighbors, while also worshipping among Creation. I was in awe hearing how they spend one Sunday a month surrounded by and listening to what our Creator shares through nature, in the wild, rather than inside a building.

I knew I had found my people.

Fast forward two years, Easter 2026: We sat among the abundant vegetables and trained mulberry fence lines at Farm 3 while being blessed to witness one of our trans-sisters serve communion. It was breathtakingly beautiful. We shed tears of joy that this slice of heaven exists, on earth, already. It is a place for us all, as we are today – with no expectation to be anything but “as we are” the next time.

The Wellians have reignited a sense of belonging, inclusion, unconditional love and deep desire for connectedness. They have fostered my love for writing, encouraging me along the way. They have gifted me with tools to use art to calm the storm of mental health struggles while connecting with God. Together, we have learned to listen to the forest and meditate on the beach. We are figuring it out as we go, open to whatever the Divine throws our way.

They don’t claim to have all the answers, or really any answer at all – but they open their table for anyone, literally anyone, to discuss, ask, teach, doubt, grow, learn, and move in ways that matter. They help find ways for each of us to radically love like Jesus. I pray this community continues to grow while staying true to who they are. I pray that the love blossoming within this collective continues to reach those furthest on the outskirts - the ones barely hanging on, the ones who feel they have no place - because they do, and we are here.