(Un)knowing is where we begin

“I am sorry”

“I was wrong”

“I don’t know”

“I’ve changed my mind”

“I need help”

These are the words

of someone who is free

—David Gate, from A Rebellion of Care

There was a man of the Pharisee sect, Nicodemus, a prominent leader among the Jews. Late one night, he visited Jesus and said, “Rabbi, we all know you’re a teacher straight from God. No one could do all the God-pointing, God-revealing acts you do if God weren’t in on it.” Jesus said, “You’re absolutely right. Take it from me: Unless a person is born from above, it’s not possible to see what I’m pointing to—to God’s kingdom.” “How can anyone,” said Nicodemus, “be born who has already been born and grown up? You can’t re-enter your mother’s womb and be born again. What are you saying with this ‘born-from-above’ talk?” Jesus said, “You’re not listening. Let me say it again…”

—John 3:1-5, MSG

If you wish to experience what it is

to be born anew, you must leave

the crowd and return to the source

where you began…

This birth begins in the darkness

of unknowing when you have

relinquished all that you understand.

—Meister Eckhart, from “The Darkness of Unknowing”

Study for Nicodemus Visiting Christ by Henry Ossawa Tanner, 1899.

This past Sunday, we explored the story of Nicodemus, a Pharisee whose name meant “Conqueror of the People,” and whose curiosity sent him out at night to search for Jesus. Nicodemus is the one in need of something, and yet he begins the conversation by telling Jesus what he already knows.

I can imagine Jesus’s internal eye roll - oh goody, another know-it-all. I imagine a curious side to Jesus, too, that wondered what was going on beneath the surface that led Nic here. There is, after all, almost always more to the story than what’s on the surface.

Jesus quickly muddies Nic’s knowing by introducing a metaphor - one that has been central to the life of faith ever since - yet one we seem to have no better handle on than Nicodemus.

Nic takes Jesus’s description of being “born again” (or “born anew”) literally, which made it complete gibberish to him. How is that possible? It’s not (!), Nic declares.

Are you a highly educated expert in Jewish law, and yet you do not understand this basic idea, Jesus seems to say. He loved to school the schooled.

Unlike Jesus’s own mother Mary, whose initial “how can this be?” when told she was pregnant turned into a “let it be,” Nic stays confused for the remainder of their conversation.

Nicodemus had every reason to be afraid, which might explain why he came to Jesus at night and did not immediately embrace this new way of being. His questions could cost him his livelihood, his reputation, his honor, his security.

Admitting we are always and ever only beginners does not bode well in a world where black and white, us and them. knowing-it-all helps us win arguments and accolades. It is scary to admit that we do not know and we need help, but this, Jesus shows us time and time again, is the way: be born again … and again … and again.

Our unknowing can feel like the end, but it is an opening. In Faith After Doubt, Brian McLaren offers this simple benediction modeled after the beatitudes to remind us that doubt, that not knowing, can lead toward the deeper, fuller, freer life.

Which speaks to you today?

Blessed are the curious, for their curiosity honors reality.

Blessed are the uncertain, and those with second thoughts, for their minds are still open.

Blessed are the wonderers, for they shall find what is wonderful.

Blessed are those who question their answers, for their horizons will expand forever.

Blessed are those who often feel foolish, for they are wiser than those who always think themselves wise.

Blessed are those who are scolded, suspected and labeled as heretics by the gatekeepers, for the prophets and mystics were treated in the same way by the gatekeepers of their day.

Blessed are those who know they’re unknowing, for they shall have the last laugh.

Blessed are the perplexed, for they have reached the frontiers of contemplation.

Blessed are they who become cynical about their cynicism and suspicious of their suspicion, for they will enter the second innocence.

Blessed are the doubters, for they shall see through false gods.

And blessed are the lovers, for they shall see God everywhere.

I would like to add: Blessed are those who are learning to trust their deep knowing, for they will become wise guides for the rest of us.